How to go through the offence part II

Usually the pain of resentment pushes us back a step, to the desire for revenge. Sometimes the anger is growing, and it comes to the point that you start to look the other way, meeting with the man in the hallway, or release caustic remarks behind his back. And if it responds to your hostility, it could escalate into full-scale hostilities. Strong friendship cannot withstand recriminations, and a good family, for no apparent reason apart. What is even more dangerous - especially when it comes to young people - resentment can trigger a violent reaction that will lead to violence? The psychologists Martin Daly and Margo Wilson estimated that two-thirds of all murders starting point are just resentment: "I do not achieve the respect, and I must, by all means at any cost to save my face." In recent years, the US has been a surge of "Kill-outbreaks" - crimes provoked by minor conflicts. Most killers are young people who are losing control, feeling stung in the eyes of friends. In one case, a teenager shot and killed a man at a basketball game, because "I do not like the way he stared at me." He approached the man and asked, "What are you looking?" Such things are led to mutual insults and shooting. In another case, a young woman stabbed another, because she was wearing her dress without asking. Such examples are many. Have some fun with our random chat sites like omegle.

How to deal with the offense

  • Recognize that you feel the pain.
  • Look at the situation from the point of view of the other. He really wanted to hurt or you misread the situation?
  • Do not crank the painful situation in your head.
  • If you are ready to break, take a break and think about what the consequences.
  • Practice meditation or other relaxation techniques, to feel confident and calm.
  • Remember that respect and value yourself and no one else has the power to hurt you.
  • And whether they want to offend you?

What to do to be less vulnerable to insults?

According to the psychologist-counselor for personal problems Ken Keyes, the first step is to accept the fact that we feel the pain. It seems to be easy, but in reality we are much more likely to dwell on the thought, what a vile, evil person - the one who offended us. The recognition of their pain interrupts obsessive playing of the situation (namely, it causes us the greatest harm, because it allows the offense to grow beyond measure). Ken Keyes emphasizes the importance of the "space of response." Before you respond to the insult, think about the consequences. Remember that with those who are easily offended, others are not comfortable. If you feel slighted, because they were waiting for a certain reaction, and it is not followed, perhaps, the reason inflated expectations that need to change.

If someone does not notice you, maybe you relate to your account that does not apply to you

"Resentment often arise because of an incorrect reading of the situation, - develops the idea psychologist Elliot Cohen. - If someone does not notice you, maybe you relate to your account that does not apply to you. Try to look at the situation from the perspective of who you think you despise. Maybe he was in a hurry and did not see you. He behaved frivolously or was inattentive because deep in thought. But even if someone really rude or impolite, it can also be a reason: it is possible; a person is upset or feels in your threat.