"You," plus the "Me" becomes "we" ... But what happens to our "I"? We should not lose ourselves, however, because otherwise the relationship in a pair of rapidly depleted. The only way out - to keep the (correct) distance and maintain their individuality. Learn more with our chatroulette alternative blog.
"Marriage - is when a man and a woman become one person. The hardest thing to understand what exactly the two of them "- once joked director Woody Allen expressed in this brief formula of the problem, which sooner or later face the two, who decided to live together. What at first so encouraged by them - same bed, the same tastes, same friends, the same way of speaking, a joint vacation - then often leads to the depletion of the feeling of love (and sometimes to the loss of it!). And besides, there is a feeling of loss of self-identity, "If the two formerly separate from each" I "other merge into a comprehensive" we ", because it takes energy, which just allows the pair to move forward, to grow", -says psychotherapist Sarah Rachofsky. Family relations are gradually converted only one person in the continuation of the other, in double, predictable and therefore undetectable. If you want to have some fun – why don’t you try our chat with strangers?
The desire fades out, there are boredom and fatigue
Psychotherapists confirm that when we begin to suffocate from living together on a short distance, it is difficult to understand the feelings, because the original desire and energy is already lost. Paradoxically, perhaps, it is just the right time to ask you some questions. What is happening to me? What happens to the relationship? Am I pretty sure that in his (her) feelings, not to interfere with her (him) self beyond our life together? Am I dissolve our relationship too much, don’t I lose myself out there? When we answer these questions ourselves, in front of us we will open up many new opportunities for co-existence, we will see right ways, which are so palpably lacking in our relationships.
"After a few years later after the wedding I have ceased to understand who I am - says 42-year-old Hope (12 years, married). – My husband can’t surprise me; I could predict every word, every gesture. I wanted to quit, I literally gasped..."
Hope is still married. She decided to "breathe" ... and does charity work. What brought her life to meet new people, a variety of events outside the family circle, and most importantly - it returned the internal energy and desire. Within a few months, she felt more independent, more energetic, joyful ... and fulfilled with love! To be true is also to be able to say no. And it's not as easy as it may seem. "Those who love each other should want the same and do the same" - a view firmly fixed in our minds. Often, not enough self-confident person, which tastes are not shared, begins to worry, afraid of his conviction, and even the fact that he is no longer beloved. "This is especially painful for someone who increasingly feels its dependence on the partner, - says Sarah Rachofsky. - Merging with him, he thus "being completed" in the other, feeling like a complete human being."